sometimes i just want to runaway from everything....

I don't know how to start this, or what to say because I can't really express how I feel with words but I'll try my best.

Lately, I've been second guessing myself alot. I can't seem to tell the difference between reality and acting anymore. I just found out that many of my friends were acting and to my surprise, many are still very real to me. But, sometimes I feel like I'm just putting on a freaking show for everyone. I don't think I really know who I am anymore because I've grown so used to pretending for everyone. Life can be shitty to me sometimes but I've learned to just tough it out. You probably don't want to hear me ranting about this useless crap so I'll move on.

If you are my age, 14, or around this age you will understand what I'm about to say next. Sometimes, parents SUCK. I love the fact that my mom has ALL week to bother me about cleaning my room and doing pointless chores but when my friends are over for one night, she feels the need to make me do everything! I hardly ever get time with my friends anymore because of school and what not and one day I actually get to spend with them, my mom is nagging me the whole time. I hate it. Then, what I hate the most is when my mom goes and tells on me to my dad and they freaking gang up on me. Now, I wouldn't really mind this if I wasn't afraid of my dad but the truth is, is he is terrifying. He's huge and I know that he could hurt me really bad if he wanted to. They both have anger issues and get on my case for every little thing I do. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore so why bother even trying? Sometimes I would give anything to runaway but that would not be a smart choice for me because 1. I wouldn't have anywhere to go 2. I think I'm too scared to even attempt running away 3. they would find me without a doubt. Ugh whatever. Honestly, I can't wait till the day I turn freaking 18 and leave this place.

On a better note, it snowed today! K, im lying, that's deffinately not a better note but I'm trying to not be so pessimistic. I honestly hate snow haha it's just too cold and wet. Autumn is deffinately my favorite month and I love it.

So, another thing today is that I finally made peace with my cousin. If you're wondering what the fight was about, it was just that she accused me of doing something I didn't do and I got deffensive which turned me into a bitch. I didn't mean to get like that but she can get on my last nerve sometimes. I need to keep my cousin close with me though because I feel like she's the only person I have left to trust in this world.

Well, that's enough of my ranting to say eventhough I feel like I could write about 5 more pages of shit but it would probably bore you haha. So, maybe life will start looking up for me cause it can't stay shitty forever, right? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right....I guess I'll find out sooner or later....